Entry made May 29, 2005 : Socially

Well, It's been three weeks since I last wrote in here. About all that has happened is that I went to North Carolina for my sisters graduation, and Brian left for Los Alamos for the Summer. I also wrote a quick program to give me the 7-5 cage. I am in the process of analyzing it to see if I can expand on it to give me the 57-5 cage. To be honest though, I don't spend that much time on it.

Last night I went and played poker at Stockman's. There was a guy next to me that I considered kind of an ass. He was very verbal and asked questions that shouldn't be asked and got really pissed off when things weren't going his way. However, he seemed to know everyone that came walking by the table. How is it that this asshole had so many friends (and knew so many women that thought high enough of him to come by and give him a hug and kiss)?

I got to thinking about it and realized that I was the asshole here. I ignored pretty much everyone. There were a couple of people I knew, but I just kind of brushed them off. This whole situation got me to thinking, "Why do people even say 'hi' to me?" I'm an asshole. I'm insulting to pretty much every person on the earth. I'm not good looking. The ONLY thing I can think of that I have going for me is that once in a blue moon I come up with something that will make people laugh. Aside from that, I'm lazy, self centered, and socially inept. The only women that hang out with me are the ones that, for one reason or another, were forced to be around me for a while.

Take the cheerleaders for example. When I was a cheerleader, they always said hi to me or would sometimes hang out with me. Now, if I stop by practice to say, "Hi," I get close to completely ignored. Any of them that I concidered dating avoid me now like the plague. As I look back on the whole cheerleading experience, the only reason I was treated with the respect I was, was because I was the lesser of a few black sheep during my first couple years. Then in the third year, only black sheep were left so I was tops. As soon as the white sheep showed up again I started to get pushed to the side. So, naturally, when I stopped being a cheerleader, I was back to being the 'uncool' thing. Even the ones I was closest with don't want to have anything to do with me.

Another, simpler, example is that I have never met someone in a bar that even says 'hi' to me anymore, even in the bar.

From a social view, I offer nothing but insults, criticism, and occasionally a witticism. I am at a loss as to why people still choose to be around me. From a feng shui point alone, I should cause discomfort. Maybe it's just that they are all caught in my gravitational pull and unable to escape. I'm not the brightest person ever. The only thing I'm quick at is saying something I shouldn't. I'm about the slowest person when it comes to everything else.

I guess I just don't get it.